i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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