you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
