I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
