if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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