Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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