There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Houston, we have a blender
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
