he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
