I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
