I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
