thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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