From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
