What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
