you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
