You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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