The maid of honor just puked.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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