Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
