He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
