Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
