I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
