I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
