if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
