Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
