youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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