god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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