I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
