He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
