Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
