DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
