I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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