Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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