yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
