If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
