So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
are you so shy because you have an std?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
