I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
