I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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