Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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