He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
