I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
