At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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