was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
