is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
