you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
