it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
