Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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