Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
