I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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