a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
