It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
