she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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