I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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