Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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