We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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