sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
