The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
