so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
