two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
