I showed him my bush... on skype.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
