The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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