I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
