So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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