Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
