Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are we still banned from the library?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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