Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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