Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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