You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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