When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
