you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
