Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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