can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
