Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
