I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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