i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
