She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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