I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's blow job season.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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