i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
