Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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