he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
