Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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