Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My vagina is officially offended.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
