so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
