If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
