I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
