vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
you made out with another girl for some wings
my liver is dry heaving
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
