The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
