he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
