Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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