when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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